i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
