I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
