Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize