i think my tv is drunk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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