Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
