is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Someone came in the potted fern
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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