I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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