Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
id be glad to
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize