i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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