i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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