you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
