Can Purell be used as lube?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
