why didn't you poke me back
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
