We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
