69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
