Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
