The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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