Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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