Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
