he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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