He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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