I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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