You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
