Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
