Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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