Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
