you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
