captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
