you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't deserve a penis
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
