Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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