how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
