She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
