A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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