Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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