The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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