Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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