I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
