their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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