arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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