i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
