are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
