are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
