The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
