dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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