she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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