is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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