im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
