and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
