rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
