Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
