I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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