HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
