So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
