At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
