We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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