So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
