take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
