Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize