I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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