my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He did a backflip because drugs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
