Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
