If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
