Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just took my morning after pill in the library
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
