is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
