alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
