Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You ruined the universe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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