her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
