gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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