Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
