You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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